foxicide | UWOOO BUZEN UWOOOOOWOW

[oh

there really is something so angry that roils deep within him at all of that - it's a flash of fire, scorching hot that runs through buzen's veins. his anger is quick to start, quick to burn, and it's also quick to pass but right now

it doesn't]

... yeah.

Are you going to demand it of them if they try to concentrate and contact you?

[rang's anger has stayed with him for weeks, and it might still keep it even if they do apologize. though he's since learned that he should keep his grudges to himself -- he doesn't want to spill blood of the people matsui and buzen care about.

it's a little funny that he's leashed himself like this. he hadn't thought it'd ever happen.]

Nahri won't. [just matter-of-fact] But if Vash does, then yes.

Though I wouldn't put it past him to accept the blame and lie for his teammates' sake.

Who do you think did it?

[curious, but also uncertain. he doesn't want to speculate and pin the blame on anyone.]

Nahri-san? Because of what she said? But Wolf-san at least admitted it to Lam-san...

It's easy to admit it to a third party.

[death can sure be traumatic and a lot has happened since sunday, so he can maybe make allowances for wolfwood not approaching matsui. if lambda spoke to him, then there's no way he wouldn't have realized how terrible that decision was. so maybe it's only a matter of time until he talks to matsui himself,]

Nahri was upset at me after the trial, because she thought I healed her curse on Shenhe. We got into an argument about it. I'd give her the benefit of the doubt, if she hadn't sought me out just to accuse me and then defend herself.

[and then she told me to stay away from her team, as if i'd be around long enough to do anything to them.]

[god

damn

that flash of anger just burns hotter now, though not without its complications. it twists in buzen's chest because he likes shenhe, he does, but right now he feels such burning dislike for nahri. even if she didn't curse matsui, she sure did attack rang. as if rang hadn't also lose a teammate just days before.]

She's too quick to attack people. Even if she didn't do that to Matsu, she should apologize to you too.

[even if gerard did kill shenhe, some of those personal attacks were too much for buzen to find graceful. and maybe that's just a part of being human, but given everyone's reasoning and their attempts at doing their best - everything is a little too sharp for him to find agreeable.]

Everyone here could benefit from learning how to use the words 'I'm sorry'.

[...It's probably my fault. I made everyone believe I didn't care about either of you.

though in hindsight, that helped him when he spoke to libby, and that saved him from being cursed during trial. but the other conversations still irritate him -- nahri's, livio -- all the others who were concerned that he didn't have matsui's best interests at heart because he accepted that he was going to die.

his focus shifts at buzen's words, and his emotions flash hot in response too, that same anger he's had for weeks now still coiled in his chest.]

I don't want one from her. [She better stay away from me.] Or from the others. I can't trust their words.

[even sweet theory wiping out hasn't lessened his resentment any. not when they got to live for so long, not when they all had some agency in their own deaths. imagine if he and matsui and buzen got the same. wenzhou was killed by those who wanted to save everyone, buzen was killed by someone who only cared about her team. fei du and kyoko got to choose how they'd die -- matsui and him never had a choice. fei du was allowed to keep his rage and grief, validated even when he tried to strike down an innocent child.

why couldn't matsui keep his too?]

[so much of the time, buzen lingers on his love for humanity. but he doesn't look too closely at its origin - all swords feel strongly about humanity enough that they can never hate them, but few have the same wild adoration that buzen has that makes him want to help strangers and interact with the same people he might have to - in best case scenarios, never see again, and worst case, kill himself.

but even he gets tested when the ones he loves so dearly suffer at their hands.]

... then get whatever you want from them, even if it's your solitude.

Everyone here made decisions that weren't kind. Dee-san still killed Rin all those weeks ago, but they seem to have figured it out amongst themselves. Not everyone is going to get that much time.

But the least they can do is say sorry, and if they don't then they live with that too.

[at that, rang's mouth curls into a smile. That's the meanest he'll ever hear Buzen be, and it wasn't even that mean. Still, seeing it is nice. Being on a team truly stopped mattering when they all died, but it's times like these that remind him that they were on the same side.]

Have humans ever been good at that? [living with what they've done.

he considers it, then]

I suppose you'd know more about that than I would.

[old...]

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