foxicide | UWOOO BUZEN UWOOOOOWOW

I turned on Dee-san, but not even in a way that saved anyone time or heartache. [he won't apologize for what he did, but he will apologize that he was actually pretty bad at it]

And I let Libby-san decide when the fight started... even knowing that I put you and Matsu at risk. So even though I agree some of it's her fault, some of it is still on me.

... so if there's anything you still want me to make up for, I'd understand that too, Rang.

The only way you could have saved us time is if you told everyone it was D immediately, which wasn't allowed. If anyone whined about the rules to you, then they're idiots, considering they're all following those very same rules right now. [dryly] And you didn't even know it was Libby because she was pretending to be Fukuzawa at first.

[he thinks buzen is soooo stubborn but he will also be stubborn about this]

You don't owe me anything, Buzen. I knew the risks when I joined your team, you told me straight out what would happen if I tried to erase anyone here. And Matsui -- [actually he cuts himself off here, then after a beat] ...Matsui made it clear to me too.

Oh... I knew it was Libby-san. She couldn't bring Kaizen, Fuku-sensei's sword with her, so I knew it wasn't him. When I pointed it out, she told me who she was.

[buzen actually wouldn't notice most random details about people but considering how much fukuzawa treasured his sword, that's an easy one....

but buzen blinks in confusion]

... I don't know if I get your and Matsu's relationship much.

[buzen.... rang like i hate how everyone thinks buzen really drank a fcking milkshake on the time of his murder when he is actually smart,]

Stop talking about Libby like she's not one hundred percent at fault. [STOP THIS. HE WANTS TO HATE IN PEACE!!!!!! he curls up grumpily, one arm slung over his knee, though he shoots buzen a look over his arm at the other part,]

Is it because I don't bully him as often anymore?

[buzen is not smart but thank you rang,]

... I just regret not killing her, I guess. Even if it wouldn't have changed anything or how it played out.

[because it's not like buzen would've let some other team take the fall for him, and if he was always going to be the one to die then matsui was never going to make it. there's a lot of things about it that are... bad.]

Mm... More like - I think you trust each other a lot, and there's a lot that gets understood between the two of you.... but then you're both kinda sharp....

[weird, matsu is never like that :) ]

[HE IS

at that rang looks even more annoyed at the idea that nothing would have changed after, because it really was never going to change anything. the moment libby decided to pick buzen, their entire team's fate was really sealed. this is why his insane grudge will never die,

more importantly... rang flashbacks to when he threw a napkin angrily at the ground]

I would be sharp too. Imagine losing the person you love most, and only having someone like me around you. [he shrugs] If it was up to him, then he would never have chosen me to see him like that.

[he doesn't harbor any delusions that matsui would not have preferred rang to have died instead of buzen. rang prefers that too,]

[ . . . . this is a lot to take in, and buzen looks confused about it.]

.... but you're the one who took care of him.

[because buzen can guess - how impossible it would've been to trust anybody during that trial except for the last person on your team]

I'm grateful to you for that.

...I didn't tell him to live, even when he said he would. I made him promise to die with me, instead.

[it's less trying to prove buzen wrong and more telling buzen that this happened. that this can be gratitude, if buzen wants it to be.

rang doesn't think it should be, honestly.]

[ . . . . he looks thoughtful about that.

in all honesty,

he can see the case for both sides. it's really funny how as buzen lay dying, blinded and poisoned, he wondered if matsui would follow after him. and in that wonder, he told himself that it would be okay if matsui did, and okay if he didn't.

because sometimes you know what to expect, even if you hope for otherwise.

his expression doesn't give anything away. not just yet.]

... Why?

Because he didn't want to.

[Live. The answer felt so clear then. It sounds too simple now, when he says it.]

The emotions I felt would have ended after that week, but he would have never stopped feeling despair. It would have just grown stronger the longer he was separated from you.

...A world that doesn't have you isn't worth living in. [his gaze is a little afar here, as if he's not thinking of buzen precisely in this moment] Someone like me, who doesn't care about living -- I would never have been able to convince him.

[ . . .

for a long moment, buzen looks up at the sky. he breathes in slow, he exhales slow. there is something in him that aches, that feels guilty all over again as he sits with the weight of a world that doesn't have you isn't worth living in. this is why he wishes that he tried harder.

even if he only bought them two days. he could've stayed with matsui just a little longer, even if they were both miserable.]

... I can't convince him sometimes either.

[soft, like admitting to a secret]

So it's okay.

[he can't blame anyone for failing where buzen doesn't even succeed]

['I can't convince him sometimes either.'

If Rang hadn't felt Matsui's feelings firsthand, then this would enrage him, in the same way a child would be -- a tantrum building in him, the sort of tantrum only someone who's been abandoned so many times would have. why does matsui want to die, when he has buzen?

But he did feel those feelings. He knows that sorrow is not so much an enemy as it is an intrinsic part of Matsui, something that was never his choice, a part of his blade as much as steel is. And when you lose all hope....

...can love succeed?

still, he has no illusions that the week would have unfolded very differently if rang had been the one to die instead. he lets the silence linger, then almost abruptly --]

I meant what you said, Buzen. That you don't owe me anything.

[he knows they segued into Matsui, but he wants to make that clear. at least.]

I've been tied to debts before, but I don't hold this one against you.

[it is abrupt, and buzen looks a little surprised at the sudden departure. but in the end, he just hums faintly. there's a part of him that looks ever so slightly unsatisfied... but if he's being honest?]

... alright.

You don't really need to have me in a debt anyway. You can ask me for pretty much anything within reason and I'd do it just because it's you.

[he really has to clarify 'within reason' here because he's not gonna massacre someone on a whim but otherwise,]

'Within reason', huh?

[that gets Rang to smile despite the previous topic -- just a little, but it's there nonetheless. he thinks about how weeks ago buzen could have said the same thing, and rang would never have believed it. hadn't believed him.

he thinks it's a little funny how that's changed now,]

Always smart to be specific with a fox.

UWOOO BUZEN UWOOOOOWOW

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