foxicide | UWOOO BUZEN UWOOOOOWOW

[he is still frowning, not that he doesn't believe buzen. but he can't imagine what it's really like, to have comrades who share anything with you, much less a duty like this one.]

And when you break? When it's just one of you who's left to bear it all?

No matter how strong you are or what you were forged to be, you should be able to let it all go if you choose to.

There won't be just one - because even if one of us breaks, more warriors are summoned all the time. Matsu was there before I was, and then I got to welcome Kumo and Ame - even more Gous. And there's plenty of other strong comrades, outside of the Gous.

[he's really so confident about this even though toumyu canon suggests that (meme voice) this is how you lose the time war but it's cool]

.... I think the idea of it is nice, Rang. Ylfa-san would say similar things - like if we could choose to be more than what we're summoned for. Sometimes I think we dream about stuff like that.

[ . . . ]

But we can't act on it. Because serving Aruji and following our missions is what we were forged and summoned for - it'd be going against everything we know. And then... we'd stop being ourselves.

[that sounds both great and also terrifying, this is just making rang hate this aruji more, wow.

but the idea of being bound in service to any human will always make his skin crawl, considering his own circumstances.]

Fine. [HE SOUNDS SO ANNOYED EVEN THO BUZEN IS JUST LAYING OUT THE FACTS,] I can't say that I don't understand. Even if you were made by humans and have human hearts, you're still spirits. And spirits can't change their natures so easily, not like how humans can.

[it's why so many spirits have died or been lost, unable to keep up with the rapid rush of time. unable to keep up with being treasured and then abandoned in the very same breath,]

What will happen to all of you when your mission's over?

[he makes a soft sound at that, agreeing. in the end - they are what they've always been created to be? whatever that means.]

Mm... Our swords will be returned to where they're meant to be, I guess? Back on display, or storage, or private collections.

[ . . . ]

And for ones like me... I guess we disappear. So... I guess that's why I understand it a little. Why Libby-san chose me.

[rang looking truly like he was just force fed a lemon. all that work and duty and then... back to the forms they've always had as if nothing happened, and worse -- separated from each other?

as for libby -- he opens his mouth, no doubt to spew more vitriol about her, and then he pauses, no. he's spent enough time on libby. no doubt, if lambda or monika or anyone else who realized how horrid the reason was shows up here, then they can tell buzen how little her decision was worth. he's not going to hammer it in over and over again, not to buzen who's made it clear that the kind of sword he is will always be understanding. and more importantly --]

It's too uneven. [tense,] Constant obedience and loyalty and saving all of humanity -- for what, just to go back to display cases or disappear?

You should at least get to choose, at the end. Human hearts are awful and full of suffering, so it's not like it'd be much of a reward if he let you keep them.

[ . . . buzen just smiles faintly at that, more than a little sheepish. in the end, he doesn't disagree with rang. in fact, he thinks that it'd be nice to get to choose. to not have to lose this body and this heart, even for all the times that it's become inconvenient.]

... I want to keep it. Even for all the times that it's hurt me, it lets me reach the people that I want to. So... I'd like to hold onto it.

[he rubs the back of his neck sheepishly]

But - that's not up to me.

So I guess that's just one more impossible thing that I want.

[rang clicks his tongue in lieu of a better answer. because normally at this point, he'd say something like 'what if I could grant that wish for you?' and then propose a deal with terrible odds just so he can see the other person suffer.

but he doesn't have that power here. and maybe he doesn't want to see buzen suffer. not when any suffering rang doles out pales in comparison to whatever these swords have to shoulder,]

I want you to keep your heart, even if it is impossible. You wouldn't be as interesting without it.

[ah - that makes buzen smile a little bit, amused, considering what rang had just said.]

Oh? Even though it's a punishment? Do you want me to keep suffering some more, Rang?

[even though buzen's mentality is entirely different - sure, this heart is a burden sometimes. it aches when he doesn't want it to. but it's also full of so much warmth and love. there is so much he gets to experience, because he is more human now

in the end, this curse has become a blessing to him.]

[he doesn't like how buzen gave him such an easy out.... he feels contrary, even though at any time he'd be like YEAH! SUFFER!!!]

That's just what living is.

[existence is a curse!! sure there are upsides to it but we don't talk about that here,

he's sure that buzen already knows all of the great things that come with living anyway,]

So just keep on living.

UWOOO BUZEN UWOOOOOWOW

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject